Order Vs Chaos
by Zinc2100
Summary: Hey you, the one reading the summary. Want to read a dramatic story about a battle between Gods and Goddesses? Where the very fate of the world hangs in the balance? Well too bad because this definitely ain't one of them. Swagni is in here so you know this won't be serious. All you are going to get is all the weird situations these Gods will get themselves in while they fight.
1. Chapter 1

The camera pans in on the handsome fellow in the sky, reading a book. This glorious individual notices it and puts down his book so he can give all his wonderful attention to the audience.

Oh, I didn't see you there. Hello, I am going to be your narrator for this, unique, battle that is about to unfold in this conquest map. Shame we don't have a better name for it. Anyway, you might, scratch that, do remember me from the matches you had. You know, the wonderful voice in the sky that tells you when you have been slain.

Mercury zooms in and looks up to the heavens." You mean Drybear Bart and Dm?"

No! Those men are hacks compared to me! Now run along before I smite you.

"Hehe I see what you did there zoom!" Mercury runs on over to the chaos side of the map.

Now where was I? Glorious voice in the sky, narrator, yada yada, oh right. The first team that is going to be in this battle is on the order side. Let's check in on them.

Neith resides in the fountain shop, checking in on the aisle for physical attack items. The shop's decor makes it feel very serene. Light shining in over head, a water fountain in the middle and golden statues of soldiers erected on the sides. The aisles are made up of stone and on the shelf in front of Neith are two very important items. She now has to make a decision that plagues every hunter.

"Boots or spiked gauntlet? So hard to choose." Another god pounces over to her side. The Goddess of cats leans her arm on the world weaver.

"So what you gonna pick Gra-" Neith hushes Bastet by slapping her hand over Bastet's mouth. The slap is loud enough to get the attention of the other gods, Bacchus and Vulcan, but both of them look away after a second.

"Quiet. Don't call me that around others. I can't let them know that the young, fun goddess Neith has grandchildren. Then I'll never get a date."

Bastet looks over to the two male gods down the aisle buying their equipment at the clerk. "You really want a date with wine breath and the God of Baldness over there?"

"Vulcan is very sweet and Bacchus is fun to have at parties, but they're not my type. I love a man in armor."

"You're too nice gra-"

Neith presses her index finger to her lips and says" Sssh."

"Sorry, but I can't help it. It feels weird to call my gra- I mean you by your name."

"You'll get used to it honey." A bright smile spreads on Neith's face as she bends over to be face to face with Bastet." Or I'll have to punish you like you're a cub again. Bastet bawled in remembering that painful, horrible, atrocious memory." Please don't splash me again." She whimpered. Baset put on her best cutie face she could muster, the back of her paws pressed up to her chin.

"What do you think that was about?" Vulcan asked his drunk companion, Bacchus.

"Maybe it's about food. Women *hic* love food don't they?"

"I think you have the genders mixed up. Anyway." Vulcan puts on the counter a vampiric shroud, enchanted trinket, two health potions and two mana potions.

"2200 gold now." The clerk insisted. By the way, his name is Bob if you wanted to know.

"2200? That's robbery. We are in war, can't you just give this to me?"

"Well I'm in a relationship with a woman that keeps stealing all my money. So you can say I'm in a war too. A war with my landlord and the only weapon I got is money."

Vulcan was taken aback by this. He didn't expect that this simple store clerk to have so much trouble. "Why do you not just leave this woman if she troubles you so?" He asked.

"Cause when it's late at night, and we both get in bed, she is like a-

"Oh please stop right now!" Vulcan protested.

Bacchus took a chug from his bottle." Go on."

"What are you so uptight about steel leg? Don't wanna hear about the marvelous adventures I have in my bedroom?"

"No.…"

"About the plentiful times I went spelunking."

"No."

"Or when I faced off against these two goliaths with only my hands."

"No!"

"What about when-"

"I'll just take the tiny trinket instead and go." Vulcan took his gear and left the shop. Trying his best not to think about the things that go on inside Bob's bedroom. Bacchus chugs down his drink again and asks Bob.

"So, hows the spelunking?"

Hey Vulcan. He looks up to me." What do you want voice in the sky?"

You are now thinking about all the kinky sex that Bob had. OooOooo.

He groans and sinks his head." Damn it."

On the other side of the shop is Hel and her other personality, Dark Hel, shopping and talking about what they should be shopping for.

The kinder, more gentler Hel speaks first." I think we should get wards, maybe, it will help out the team.

"The team?" Her dark side says." F**k the team!"

Light Hel panics, shushing her own self and hoping no one heard what she just said. "Don't say that, I want everyone to accept me."

"If you want your team to do that then show them how much of a bad*** you are on the battlefield. Obliterate your enemies with your magic, not wards."

"Aaw, but I don't want to kill the other team. We should just all come together so we can make a truce. "

"Just so we can break it immediately afterwards when they turn their backs on us. Muhahahahahahah!"

Man this chick has some problems.

"I heard that voice in the sky!" Dark Hel yells as she shakes her fist up at me." Don't make me kill you."

Oh what you gonna do Hel? What you gonna do? I'm up here, and you're down there!

She snarls and says a series of words about my mother. Jokes on her, I have no mother. Hahahahaha ha….ha…ha…...I'm lonely.

All the Gods exit the shop with their pockets empty, and their equip slots partially full. Bacchus raises his wine jar in the air." We should celebrate our upcoming battle with a drink! Or two."

Vulcan raises his hand to rub his temple." Oh no, he's smashed already. "

"I'm ok about getting a little tipsy." Neith said.

"You sure Neith? You're not worried about having to fight intoxicated? "Bastet asked.

"I can hold my wine, I'll be fine. Give me some of that."

Bacchus hands her another drink he had in his robes (ew) and then she takes it and ,wisely, pours it into her mouth.

"I guess if my family can I can too. Hit me up with a drink Bacchus." Bastet too took a glass of wine from the drunk God and starts to pour it as well.

"Well, if all of you are willing to accept me then I'll drink too." Light Hel takes a glass that Bacchus hands her and begins to drink like everyone else. Remember, Hel is not a good influence for your kids.

Vulcan is the odd man out. Staying outside of the group that began drinking together. Bacchus notices the stiff God and approaches him with a drink outstretched in his hand.

"Come on buddy. Drink and be….um….how's that saying goes again?"

"It's drink and be merry."

"Yea, be Jerry!"

Vulcan sighs." I didn't say that but oh well. This will probably be the last drink I'll get before I die and come back." He takes the glass out of Bacchus's hand and drinks like the rest of them. All of them drinking that delicious, thirst quenching, lip licking, um, could I get some of that?

"Sure Voice in the sky." Bacchus says." Drink down."

It's up but anyway just throw a bottle into the sky I'll catch it.

"Ok." He tosses the wine into the sky and I catch it, somehow, you don't need to know that part. Bacchus raises his jar up so that the sunlight can shine upon it.

"Let's all drink and be Jerry!"

On the other side of the battlefield, the chaos team are in a very heated debate. Very fitting to their name. *sip* wow this wine is good. Tastes like if I put rainbows, unicorns and happiness all mixed together in a drink!

Anyway, Artemis was busy trying to rub the headache away that her team gave her. All of them were yelling about which position they should go to. The shortest and youngest of them all ,Scylla, made known of her opinion the loudest.

"I wanna be in the duo lane by myself! My pets don't like to share their meals. Especially with gator mouth over there." She points to gator mouth, God of the Nile, who was practicing his axe swings. Getting all,uh, pumped up for the match.

"Little girl, little girl, I've seen your dogs in combat. They're full after their first god while my hunger is unabated. So give me duo or I'll sharpen my teeth on your bones!" Sobek roars at the little girl but she wasn't afraid by this at all, she just yelled back louder. Probably cause she has seen scarier things in the mirror! Zing! Hi five…..oh….right….no hands.

*chug* Anyway, the other annoyance to Artemis besides the bloodthirsty gods was slick back right next to her.

"Oh lorde please tell me I haven't met my fate yet and gone to heaven cause you must be an angel. Mmmmm." Swagni proceeds to touch Artemis but she bats his hand away with her bow.

"Touch me like you did before and I swear you this will be a four versus 5." Artemis says with a strong glare going Swagni's way. The God of swag cups his hurt hand and goes to speak to Artemis again. With even more delight.

"Baby got bite! Girl, I know some fellas who would love a girl like you. You're gonna need some protection from them so you best stay with me, ya dig?"

"I think we could handle this with one less god."

Right when Artemis was about to shoot Swagni, the most hyperactive God in this match zooms in between them. Knocking Artemis weapon out of her hand and saving Swagni from her wrath. Before she could even react to this, Mercury began speaking at a speed of hundred miles per hour.

"Artemis Artemis Artemis please put me in duo lane I could be like two people by myself or three or four and if I could do that I could be in mid and solo and in the jungle and on the other team so I'll be fighting myself so it will be mercury vs mercury vs mercury vs merc-"

Swagni claps Mercury on his shoulder before he could utter his name again." Have you ever heard of breathing fool? The thing that keeps you alive? Do it sometime."

While Mercury kept flapping his mouth to Swagni, Artemis goes to pick up her bow from the floor. That's when all the constant noise hits her. The yelling, the babbling, the talking. It penetrates her ears like a drill. Digging all the way to her brain to incite her nerves. It was becoming ever so intolerable that she felt like she has to explode.

"SHUT UP!" Artemis bellowed out that word with all of her voice, essentially silencing all the gods around her. She points to Sobek." You're coming with me in duo. Eat whoever you want, I don't care. Little monster there is going mid, Swagni is going solo and Mercury will jungle. Now can we all just go to our lane so we can prepare for the serious fight that is coming up?" Damn, what a buzz kill. "Shut up voice in the sky." Oh, did I say that out loud? My bad.

Everyone mumbles under their breath and then all said at the same time "Fine."

"Great, now let's get serious. We have a battle ahead of us." So then they all departed to their respective lanes and, oooh. Feels like that wine is getting to me. But, but, I t-thought I only had one bottle?

* * *

**A/N-** **I hope you had enjoyed and if you did could you do me a favor and tell Swagni? It could be payment for the "services" I got from him.**

**Anyway this won't be updated on a daily basis. Just a little side project while I work on my main story. See you sometimes in the future.**


	2. Chapter 2:first blood

**FIRST BLOOD**

I feel like a million gold! No really I-I do. I Love being drunk and narrating. But luckily this isn't me firdst time. So when it comes to it, I'll sober up. Anyway on to the show!

In the right side of the chaos jungle are Artemis and Sobek spying on their enemies, who aren't even there. Maybe their stuck at base trying to figure out who goes where? If that is the truth than this is going be a wild show. Hunter vs mage, guardian vs warrior! Who will win?

"Is he drunk?" Sobek asked, looking up to me. You're drunk, look you can't even hold your weapon. Right as I said that he dropped the weapon he tossed in the air. Killer Croc here growls at me with his teeth bared menacingly. You couldn't even scare a bat with that growl.

"Just ignore him like I do." Artemis says while observing that their enemies are not at their blue buff."Are they at the middle fury?"

"We just scouted the whole area around there, no enemies were there."

"Then they must be in lane. Let's scope it out." Artemis and her pet gator move closer to the lane to find their opponents. They stay under the safety of the shadows, right across from the order side's blue buff. Once Artemis was close enough to see the opposing gods in range, she was astonished by what she discovered. "Oh myself."

"What did you just say?" Sobek questioned the lead lady.

"It's a saying I picked up from my brother. He says it all the time so it just got drilled into my head."

"He sounds really full of himself."

"That's because he gets all the attention."Artemis looks away from her ally and says under her breath." And all the cool skins."

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Artemis quickly answered, snapping her head back to face her stocky companion. "Just look at this." Sobek walks up to see the same disappointing sight as Artemis did before.

They notice Vulcan leaning heavily on his team's tower. His head is swaying back and forth, eyes locked on to the ground. He tries to stop the swaying with his hand but that keeps moving uncontrollably as well. Like a leaf in a…eh I'm bored with this simile, moving on.

"Too much wine…"Vulcan murmurs out these words. He stumbles on out, wobbly. Getting further and further from his safety umbrella he calls a turret. Artemis readies her bow and Sobek brandish his axe.

"I can't wait to use his hammer as a toothpick for when I eat his body." Sobek said. They inch closer, step by step. Their opponent getting ever closer to their kill range. But suddenly Artemis couldn't feel the murderous intention that was just emitting from Sobek. Instead what she feels coming from her support is weakness, dependency, and the need to be burped. Also some drunk wine breath, wet pants and- oh excuse me that is just me.

"Sobek?" The huntress turns around to speak to her partner, actually for once being concerned for him." What's wrong?" He points his big, green, alligator index finger at the other person coming up in lane.

"Aw Vulcan you're too loopy hehehahaha." The goddess of hair weaves struts on in to help her ally. Well a whole lot less strut and more zigzags places her hand on his shoulder and takes him by the hand to try and guide him out. But it was like the blind guiding the blind they couldn't hear anything. Just like my drink, it can't guide me to anymore liquor.

"Oh myself. You're afraid of two drunken idiots?" Artemis asked, quite astounded by Sobek's disposition.

"That's my mom!" He hollered.

"Oh." She said quite silently. Artemis looks back into lane to see Neith shooting arrows at her own tower." What an indecent mother. Wait-"She looks back quickly at Sobek." How did YOU come out of HER?"

"We don't talk about Daddy or mom's taste in therianthropes. Just be a good little boy, that's what Mommy always told me." Sobek's voice was barely audible. His posture changed from his usual slouch stance to straight up and stiff like a military soldier. His eyes transformed to big white ovals. Almost absorbing the cold sweat that is traveling down his face." If I fight her then she'll ground me."

"Oh myself. You're a hundred thousand years old! You own the Nile river! Why are you still a momma's boy?!"

"I'm not! That's Ra that is like that. I'm a good boy that listens and does what his Mom tells him."

"Look at the opportunity we have to get a double kill." Artemis hands points to the Goddess and God in lane which the first one keeps tripping over herself and laughing. And the other…

"Don't worry Neith I'll protect you! Go Thumper!" Vulcan throws out his magma bomb right in front of him." What? Why did I throw a meatball? Where's thumper? Thumper? Thumper come back!"

"You see?" Artemis says." Easy kill."

Sobek brings his head and hands together to bite on his nails." But if I kill my mom, she'll put me in the corner again! "

All Artemis does is sigh and say,"Oh myself."

…

At the middle of the map stands Scylla, waiting for her opponent to come so she can get first blood. She stays there for a while but sees no one come up the middle lane." Where are they?" To her surprise, Scylla feels a tap on her shoulder. She expects Mercury so she turns around about to ask her ally for some help. Instead she finds Baset.

"Waacha!" Baset roars, striking a kung fu pose. Scylla then immediately summons her sentinel and retreats back under her tower. Then Baset goes right in front of her tower and taunts her with some sweet kung fu moves.

"You big meanie!" The young goddess says." Don't taunt me 'cause you got the jump on me."

"Taunt? I just needed your *hic* hrlp to practice my kung fu! Wa-pa!" Baset throws out two quick jabs that weren't quick at all actually. She's moving like she's in an episode of the slow mo guys. Then she starts speaking in it too. "I need to purrfec-"

While Baset speaks at negative 100 mph, Scylla thinks up a dubious trap for the cat." How did you know that? Are you inside my head?" Well, it wouldn't be hard for me to get in there. There is a lot of room. Burn! Self five!

She pouts like the little baby she is and then flips me the-well I'm not gonna say that last part cause that was just quite rude. I bite my thumb at you." Sure I'll help you practice. Just come under my tower first."

Baset starts to prance in. Scylla balls her hands, ready to strike right when her enemy passes the threshold. "First blood will be mine." She says under her breath. But then all her hopes were crushed.

First blood!

"What?!" She looks up to see which of her allies were killed. "Really? How is that even possible?"

…

While Scylla goes to get second blood, Mercury runs excitedly in a circle and-"I can't wait for this match to start I'm so excited! "Wait for me to describe your place first! Gosh you're more annoying than Ao kuang on a killing spree! Get's annoying having to see his face all the time. "That's exactly what my whole family says oh what's this!"

What Mercury sees in front of him is Hel right next to the speed camp. But something was different about her. She-"Is wearing an all black corset pitch black stockings black wristlets with crying skulls on each one and raven black hair is that a good 'nough description? Huh? Huh?"

I can understand why your dad sent you to run errands. If he had to spend another minute with you he would send Thanatos to claim him."Speaking of errands, he sent me to deliver this announcer pack to someone so they won't have to here you. Zing!"ugh.

Merc runs over to Hel's side while she sits on the ground with her knees pressed to her chest. Her soft wails became clear and kind of made him feel awkward. To kill an enemy is fine but one that is crying, well, he would have to be a dick to do that. A big one. A giant one!

"You're not helping!"Wasn't trying.

"Huh?" Hel looks at Mercury with completely black eyes. Tears streaming down each eye, making her look like the crying faces on her wrists. "I'm not helping? I can't do anything right! Waaaaah!" Hel goes back into the fetal position and cries a bigger river than the yellow river.

"Wait I didn't mean you I meant the voice in the sky!" He looks up to me and whispers. "Help me here." You want to describe her so she's your problem now. Zoom! "Oh boy." Merc slums his shoulders, defeated and confused. Since he never knew a damn thing about treating females, he was lost in this predicament. He scratches his helmet and ponders for a second on what he could do. Once he got it, he asked, "Uhh, what's wrong?"

Hel stops her bellyaching for a moment to give attention to Merc and answers his question. "My mean self keeps calling me stupid and fat and she hates my skin! Now I'm feeling poopie and I can't do nothing but cry. *sob* *sob*

Her tears starts to swell up, her body shakes with her sobs, get your aegis ready cause she's about to blow!

"No don't cry I can fix this!" Mercury runs off and in an instant he's back with a box all wrapped up. Hel notices and her tears start to vanish as if they were never there.

"You got t-this for m-me?"

"Yup now open it up."

Hel takes the box from his hand and opens it quickly. "Aw it's a health potion. I love dese! How's did you get it?"

Mercury scratches the back of his helmet." Well I was suppose to deliver it to Hercules but I'm sure he'll be fine."

Meanwhile in another match

"Get that fool!" Ramerica commands to his team in front of him chasing Hercules to his Phoenix. Hercules is exhausted, no mana and just enough health to be considered alive.

He thinks to himself. "Where is Mercury I ordered that potion ten minutes ago and he st-ugh!" Hercules is shot down by the big red laser from the legend himself Ramerica! Then they all chanted USA! USA! USA! over Hercules dead body.

…

"Yea he'll be fine." Merc said. Hel chugged the whole drink so fast you couldn't even see her drink it. Maybe wine gives her super powers like that.

"No hard feelings when I kill you right?" Mercury asked the goddess.

"I see pink now!" She answered.

"I'll take it!" He winds up for the punch but then stops when he heard something he didn't expect.

First Blood

"Really?" He whined." That's no fair."

….….

Moving away from blabber mouth, we have Bacchus and Swagni chatting it up in solo lane with each other.

"My favorite customer! What brings you down here?" Swagni asks.

Bacchus takes a chug of his wine, getting a few droplets in his beard." Vulcan wants to go with Neith so I came here."

"Yo that's crazy. Someone as hefty as you can't survive here at all."

"I could say the same thing a-*belch* about you."

"Whoa chill dog." Swagni pitches both of his noses to save him from Bacchus's nasty belch." You know that belch of yours is your second best weapon. "

"I thought it was my chicken leg. I'm hungry." The god of inappropriateness takes a big chump out of his left hand weapon. And yet it doesn't lose any meat how does that work? Maybe some fairies sprinkled some magic dust on it. I could use some of that in my drink.

"Anyway what girl would you like?" The only God with two heads asks.

"What does you have?"

"Let's take a look." Agni pulls out from his fur coat a pinup magazine of all his workers. Ooh I need to see this. "First up we got Aphrodite, the fairest of them all. She knows the karma sutra from beginning to end so she can even please ya from your belly button." Don't go for her Bacchus I see her giving kisses to everyone in a match. Even her enemies!

"I'll listen to the big voice." Bacchus told Swagni." Show me something else."

"Ok.I got Chang'e. She's my favorite. Don't give me no lip. You'll have to deal with the rabbit though."

"Can I eat it?"

"Only if you want to feel the fury of the sun while you're too stunned to do anything. How about Nox. Ya know, nobody liked this chick at start. I mean she wouldn't get picked even if the other girl had breath that smelled Like Baka using his ult. But after she got some work done, ooooh LET ME TELL YA! I've made soooooo much money off of her. How 'bout it?"

"No-no I can't. She'll just poke me all day and never finish. Move along.

"I feel how bout my newest client Awilix? I'm telling ya, if you're a fan of the behind like me then-" Swagni looks over to his client to see him sleeping and snoring loud enough to wake kumbhakarna." Did he really just fall asleep on me? Oh well free kill for me. No hard feelings Bacchus, I'll pay you back later."

Swagni gets his pimp hand ready to send the mother of all fire smacks right at Bacchus. Until he hears this set of words that just kills it for him.

First Blood

"Really? Lord, please give my allies some brains, cause that was just STUPID!"

…

Let's check back on duo lane."SCREW you I'm going in myself." Artemis yells. Oh I am glad I came back here. Fight time! time to sober up.

Artemis comes out from the jungle and aims directly at Neith. "Noooooooo!" Sobek shouts. Sobek rushes into Artemis arm making her aim way to the right and not for her drunken enemies.

"Vulcan hehehaha, we have some enemies! Attack them with the kitchen sink!" Neith shoots them but all of her shots go around them. Vulcan keeps steady on his job of walking into the tower.

"Move it Sobek or I'll give Swagni some new gator shoes!" Artemis spoke those words with an angry tone while trying to get her bow aimed around Sobek. But he keeps standing in her way.

"I'm not going in the corner again!" Sobek cried.

"This is my shine to chance. Go thumper!" Again Vulcan throws out his magma bomb but this time he hits himself with it really? That's not even possible to knock your own self up but he accomplished it.

"Sobek stand in this for a second." Artemis says then places a trap right underneath her ally feet. The vines wind around his feet, binding him in place. Artemis walks pass the Momma's boy and takes aim at the Egyptian all mother.

"Aw come on Artemis. Just kill Vulcan." Sobek pleaded.

"Nope." Artemis answers then let loose an arrow straight for Neith. But in the World weaver's drunken clumsiness she was able to trip and evade the arrow. Artemis loaded another arrow and when she shot Neith just rolled out the way giggling.

"You can't catch me I'm the Carnival Queen!" Neith guffawed as she rolled around the ground evading Artemis arrows. Some Goddess of the hunt she is.

"Shutup!" Artemis yelled. She fired another arrow but Sobek rushes in front of her and deflects it to the side. He waves his hands and pleads with her as he speaks.

"Artemis we can still win without killing my Mother. You two can share the lane! Share the minions and the gold, you can even do each other's hair. Don't girls like doing that?"

Artemis sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose all the while." Fine Sobek, I'll try to share the lane with her instead of-" Neith butts into their conversation and wraps her arm around her son.

"Sobek how could you settle with this wrangler who can't even shoot? I thought you would do better. At least she's green like you like."

"OH THIS TRICK IS DONE!" Artemis yells and pushes Sobek out of the way forcefully. Making him fall and roll onto his front.

Neith and Artemis square off and instead of shooting Artemis opt to use her arrow as a melee weapon. She swings at Neith angrily, snarling and gawking at her with absolutely livid eyes. But Neith is joyful and dancing around her opponent, twirling and shaking her hips all the while Artemis swings at her.

Neith backs up away from her tower, Artemis now separating her from safety. The goddess of the hunt sees her "teammate" getting up and shoots the arrow she has in his foot so he couldn't interrupt them.

"Mother fu-" Sobek thought wise to stop himself before his mom could hear him finish." I mean fun. That was fun!"

Artemis looks back at Neith, a little less mad since she got some rage out in that last shot. "You're not mad that I just shot your kid?"

"Of course I am! That's why you're about to feel a mother's wrath. Wacha!" Neith strikes a kung fu pose, left leg lifted into a sideways V. Left arm stretched out above her head and right arm wielding her bow in front of her. Then she falls over. "Oops! Hehehehe."

"I'll show you who the real huntress in this lane is." Artemis readies her bow and fires an arrow toward Neith on the ground. But it misses when Neith rolls backwards into a handstand and then pushes herself up from it to stand.

However Artemis didn't relent when Neith did this. As soon as she stood Artemis rushed in and stabbed Neith in her thigh, putting all her weight in it to make sure it sinks deep. The arrow drew blood and almost came out the other side." This will keep her still." Artemis thought. But she was wrong. If Neith was in her right mind she would try not to put too much pressure on that leg. But the alcohol that is flooding her brain keeps telling her she's fine like wine. So she rips that arrow out, chunks it to the side and continues fighting.

"That won't stop me from dancing."After Neith said that she performs a cartwheel and kicks Artemis two times in her chin. Gaining distance and busting the lip of the other goddess.

Since both archers had their distance they both took aim and promptly released their arrows. Artemis did not have to dodge since Neith's shot at the wall. Neith is still all wobbly and can't quite stand still, which is why Artemis missed.

"Stay wrapped up in this." Artemis placed one of her traps under Neith, effectively keeping her in place long enough for Artemis to perforate her with three arrows to her stomach. But still the world weaver did not care and after ripping those out like before she just shot her spirit arrow into the sky, stunning her opponent with her sheer stupidity.

"Wha-what, I can't even-why?" Artemis says, completely flabbergasted.

"For this!" Neith lunges at Artemis with her bow wielded in both hands like a two-handed sword. She whelps Artemis over her head, forcing her to move with the strike into a crouch. Artemis doesn't stay down long though; she propels herself up and aims a knee straight at Neith's chin. But the Egyptian goddess effectively dodges by bending backwards. Then she flips into a handstand and knocks Artemis out of the air and back on the ground behind her.

"Lucky shot!" Artemis says as she pounds the ground with her fist in anger. She looks back at Neith who is waving at her in her handstand. And then she falls over for the twentieth time.

"That wasn't a lucky hehehe shot. This is!" Neith fires an arrow from the ground and it sails right above Artemis head.

"Really? I bet you couldn't even hit a giant like Ymir." Artemis proceeds to load several arrows into her drawstring and then fires a barrage into the air that all land on Neith. They land in several different painful places on her body, putting her HP into the red." First blood is-"

Suddenly Neith's spirit arrow from earlier strikes Artemis right into her skull, causing massive damage and her HP to drop into the red as well. She drops to a knee, panting from the impact and stares at the ground in disbelief." Lucky shot!" She thought, and then fixed her gaze back on Neith, who can't stop chuckling. Artemis readies her bow, shaking, aiming to finish off the world weaver. But as soon as she loaded an arrow into her drawstring, she felt an axe to the back and her life evaporating away.

First blood.

* * *

**A/N-**** Hey y'all been gone for awhile since life has gotten a lot more complicated. But hopefully now I can get back into writing. I at first wanted to upload this for SWC but I got so many more ideas that I had to work on it some more.**

**Anyway have a gorgeous Morning/day/night and I'll see you on the next OVC!**


	3. Chapter 3:Welcome To The Afterlife

**Welcome To The Afterlife**

Artemis lays down on her back, staring up into the sky. The black sky with souls flying around everywhere. "Where am I?" She asks herself out loud.

"Huh, thought I would be transporting the support first. If you're here then your team is boned."

Artemis picks herself up and looks around for the person who said that. She notices she stands in a boat with a hooded individual standing at the row. Both of them are in a black river, seemingly going nowhere. Finally it dawns on Artemis. "I'm dead." She says.

"Bingo." The hooded man says. "It's Charon by the way. Even though no one ever asks. They just complain about getting eating by a dragon or impaled by a flag, just like you are about to-"

"That team killing f**ktard!" Artemis yells while stomping her foot in the boat.

"Knew it." Charon groaned after acknowledging the predictable nature of the Gods.

Artemis is fuming mad. Probably doesn't even realize where she is anymore. All she sees is Sobek in her sights. "I'll kill that stupid gator when I get back! "

Charon keeps his eyes forward, steadily advancing up the river of souls." Oh, sure, go ahead, kill your support. That'll help."

Too pissed for logic, Artemis tries to shoot the driver with her bow but finds out she doesn't have it on her." Where's my bow?"

"It will join you once this re-spawn is over. "

"Why is there a stupid rule like that?" Artemis peers at the back of Charon as if trying to burn him with her eyes. But she's no Swagni, only thing coming out those eyes are tears." Shut up you disembodied voice! I wasn't trying to burn him." But you were thinking it. Remember, I'm omnipotent.

"And here we are." Charon says, arriving at the end of their trip. Artemis hurries off through the portal, paying no mind to her driver." No tip? Oh well, guess I'll just keep her bow. Lucky for them I can't make these Gods wander the shores."

* * *

Artemis resurrects back into her chaos fountain, back to her team and back to her oh-so-helpful support, Sobek. He jumps and screams like a minion being eaten by Bakasura when he notices Artemis. "Oh hey Artemis! How's it going? That spiked gauntlet looks really good on you."

Artemis' rage rages higher than Kali using her ult. Saying that she wanted to kill, gut and slaughter Sobek was an understatement. She reaches for her bow but finds it missing, so instead walks over to him with arrow in hand. She seems to be consumed in her anger as she approaches Sobek, head down, red hair falling down covering her face. Sobek backs up afraid of what she's about to do. Scylla stood on the sidelines excited for some gore. Mercury stood ready to stop the incoming fight and Swagni was still pissed about the wine Bacchus spilled on his shoes.

"I can't believe he just spilled wine on my new boots! I'm gonna get that fat troll and my money."

Mercury looks over to Swagni, worry clear on his face. "Swagni don't you think we have other things to worry about?"

"Look playa, I just got these boots, that's all I'm worrying about. Man let me go buy some new ones." Swagni walks into the shop and leaves his team to be.

Artemis pounces on Sobek, arrow aiming to pierce his white, oval eyes. Sobek grabs her arm before she could make contact with the arrow, mere five centimeters away from his pupil. "Artemis please!" Sobek begged." Give me another chance!"

"For you to stab me in the back? I rather speak to my sister than trust you again!"

"Ooh this is fun!" Scylla said, cheering on Artemis.

"Are you really cheering them on now? We gotta help them."Mercury says.

"But it's more fun to watch them help themselves."

"Help themselves with what?"

"Rip each other's spines out. Hehehe." Hard to believe all that evil is bundled up in such a small package, eh Merc? He physically flinches and then races over to grab Artemis off of Sobek. Annoyed by this, Scylla stomps in protest."Aw you're no fun." She says.

Sobek, finally free of Artemis' grasp, thinks of a place that could protect him from her. Maybe behind a wall, or his ax, but instead of those he hides behind Scylla-really?!

"Protect me Scylla!"Sobek cries out like a little gator.

Eyes wide with awe, mouth curved into a smile, Scylla turns around to see her companion crouched behind her shaking like a tree in a storm, eyes focused on Artemis who is trying to break free of Mercury's master lock."Aww." Scylla gushes."You're just like a little teddy bear I used to have. Want to know what I did to my last one?"

"What?"

"I burned it."

"Ok you're scarier than her, I'm going over there." Sobek rushes to the side of their titan faster than an arrow released from a bowstring. I could swear I saw the titan sigh when Sobek did that.

"No!" Artemis yelled."Let me get my vengeance. If only I had my bow then he'll be kissing Hades hindquarters to stop tormenting him already for killing his niece."

"Y-you don't have your bow?" Sobek asks, peaking his head out a bit from behind the titan's leg. Hearing that gave him a small amount of hope that he could dodge Artemis' wrath."I could get it back for you."

"You can't do that you'll have to die first." Once Artemis said that, she stopped trying to squirm out of Mercury's grasp. A wicked smile came on her face."You'll have to die first..."

"Um, Artemis, you know that's a bad thing, right?" Mercury told her.

"Bad for him, good for me. I don't see where I lose here. I get to kill him and I get my bow back." Artemis smiles excitedly, still keeping that wicked nature in her look."Talk about a win-win."

"Yay! I finally get to see what the inside of a gator looks like." Scylla says, eagerly. Gaining a new-found goal, Artemis finally breaks free of Mercury's hold and lifts up her left leg to hit him under the skirt. Oh and it was a critical hit, ouch.

The hit sends him laying on his side. Grabbing his man area to try to get some solace."Why did that have to proc."He says, in a high-pitch voice that conveys all his pain.

Artemis runs straight at Sobek like a God one kill away from a penta. Sobek throws his hands over his head, completely paralyzed with fear. Suddenly, a path of flames gets in Artemis' way, stopping her in her track. Everyone looks to see Swagni strutting out the shop with his new, mint-condition, shoes of focus on.

"Hold on now."He says."That guy in the sky just filled me in on what I just missed. Ain't no way this is happening without me getting a say so."He walks in between them to make sure Artemis doesn't get to Sobek.

"Get out of my way Slick back! I got someone to kill." The angry Goddess tried to push him out the way but he just blocked it.

"You know that won't help you right? you're gonna end up with the same penalty as Sobek. Do you really want to be so broke you can't even buy a pot or so low level you don't even have a skill anymore? He's level zero Art, look at him."

"You should listen to him Artemis." Sobek says. Swagni turns to look at him quickly.

"Fool did I say you could speak? I'm trying to help you here. Quit adding fuel to the fire." Swagni turns back at Artemis.

"Sorry." Sobek says.

Artemis sighs and drops the arrow in her hand."No, I don't want to be level zero."

"Great, now all we gotta figure out is a safe way to get Sobek killed."

Artemis pondered this for a second."He could get killed by the jungle monsters. It won't count as a real kill for either team." Not even mere seconds after, Sobek took off running to get killed by something less pissed.

* * *

Baset arrives in the Egyptian underworld, which is just a small Egyptian styled room. Mostly empty except for the torches adorned on the walls and his legendary weighing scales on the far wall on the left. She scans around and doesn't see anything out of the ordinary until she sees Anubis in the corner chatting with Anhur.

"And so I tell her, come look into my eyes and gaze upon death itself."Anubis says.

"And what happened next?" Anhur had questioned.

"She saw her own death!" Both of the Egyptian Gods shared a hysterical laugh together for a joke that Baset wasn't keen on. She coughs a bit to let them be aware of her presence. Anubis glances over his shoulder and when he notices it was Baset, he quickly shoos off Anhur into the re-spawn portal. He turns over to her.

"Hello pussy cat." Anubis says in a flirtatious tone that really doesn't deserve to be called that. Try-hard would be a better fit, yes. He leans on the wall to his right trying to act cool and ignore me but failing since that obvious twitch in his brow is so obvious. Even more so now that I mentioned it.

"Hey there Anubis." Baset says, rather awkwardly.

"Seems like you got some time before you re-spawn. Maybe you and I-" He steps closer to the cat, getting far past the friend zone."Could get to know each other a bit more."

She pushes him away just like any sane person would. "I already know enough about you from what my Grandma told me."

"And what of me has she told you about, hmm?"

"That you spend most of your time around dead people, are the bastard son of an affair and your breath smells like locust. Ew."

Ouch, shot through the heart and Baset's to blame. Luckily, he was able to keep his calm composure even while he cried on the inside. "I swear my breath has not one locust-" He says, as one flies out."Anymore. Maybe you would like to come check." He raises up his eyebrows in a flirtatious way and flashes a grin, all to Baset's disgust.

"No thanks." She says while trying to keep on the nicest smile she could muster." I could see them from here-oh look it's the portal!" She points to the portal opening up behind Anubis that will lead her away from this awkward situation. "Guess I gotta go now, bye."

Before Baset was able to take one step, Anubis body blocked her."I'm sure your team will be fine without you."

"Oh but they won't. "

"Oh but they will." She tries to move beyond him but it was like Ymir's wall was in her way.

"Don't you have some other dead Gods to help?"

"I have time to deal with them later." Finally, Baset just nopes herself out there by pouncing her way into the portal.

"Drat, they always escape my gaze like that."

* * *

Baset emerges back at her team's fountain. She visibly shakes as if trying to rid herself of that memory of having to talk with Anubis. Her whole team was there as well and when Neith notices Baset, she goes over to comfort her.

"Aw, what's wrong my little kitty cat?" She asks while petting her on the head. Baset folds her arms and turns her head to the side, making sure not to make eye contact with anyone.

"Anubis was hitting on me. Ugh, it was so nasty. I reeeeeeally don't want to go back there."

"Well there's an easy solution for that." Vulcan said."Don't die."

She looks over to her right to the god that made not dying on a battlefield sound so easy." That's pretty hard since I'm behind now. I'm gonna need some help."

"Do we have any volunteers?" Neith asked.

As if on instinct, Light Hel quickly raises her hand to volunteer."Oh me! I'll help!" Then suddenly Dark Hel takes over."By killing you before the enemies get a chance, hahahahaha!" and light Hel comes back into the scene, continuing the laugh but dying out when she realizes all the silent stares she's getting. Embarrassed beyond belief, she sinks her head and whispers."I'll just go in the jungle already."

After Hel had left, Baset looked over to Neith and said,"Am I really going to be safe with her?"

"Oh you'll be fine just,uhh, take Bacchus with you."She pulls the fat God over to the side of Baset."He'll protect you, right buddy?"

He takes a chug of his fabulous wine." With drink?"

"No!" Baset exclaims, waving her arms in protest." That's what got me killed in the first place."I think what got you killed was trying to tower dive at level one." Because I was drunk! Ugh." She grabs her head." Just save the wine for the enemies, okay?"

"Capishe!" Bacchus says.

"What about you Neith?" Vulcan asked."Aren't you going to have trouble in your lane?"

"My family safety comes first." She replies."And if I do you'll help me, right?"

"Why of course."

"Great, now we have ourselves a plan. Let's go team." And with that, they head off to their respective areas.

* * *

Sobek materializes in the land of the dead, but is surprised by what he sees. "Where in Osiris' chin thing am I?" He says, while looking around the place.

"Yo." He is greeted by a wave from the Egyptian God of the Dead, Anubis.

"You're not Charon." Sobek says.

"And you're not Baset, now both of us are disappointed."

Sobek shifted in his stance, perplexed by his sudden situation he got himself in." I don't understand. I thought I would end up in the underworld, not here."

"Every Deity that dies ends up in their respective after life to await for their re-spawn. It would not make sense if Rama ended up in Valhalla now would it?"

Sobek scratched his scaly neck." No it wouldn't, I guess. Now how am I suppose to get Artemis' bow back?"

"You need a favor done? Well then I'm just your God to do it."

"Really?" Sobek asked, flabbergasted by his generous offer.

"Of course not without you scratching my back first."

"Oh." Sobek sunk his head." There's always a catch. Fine I'll get it for you." The gator God goes to try and scratch Anubis' back but is quickly pushed away by him.

"Not literally you dumb gator, figuratively. "Anubis says, emphasizing the last word.

"Oh, I understand now. So how do you want me to figuratively scratch your back?"

"By getting me with that cat woman. Oh I can figuratively scratch her back all day. And by that I mean-"

"Okay okay! Ew, you're talking about my niece here!"

"Really? I hope she hasn't adopted any of your genes."

"Actually with the way she looks, I'm surprised I'm related to her at all. Anyway, how am I supposed to get her to you?"

"Easy just kill her. She'll come here, I'll work my magic and then I'll get your bow from Charon."

"You want me to kill my niece?! You know how hard that would be?"

"My Dad killed my foster Dad so fratricide wasn't hard for him. Besides, she'll come back better than ever, after she says hello to me."

The portal for Sobek to get back into the match opened." Okay." He solemnly says." Just please get her on the first try. I really don't like having to sink teeth into kin."

"No problem, since she lost all her lives I'll have plenty of time now."

Sobek turns to go through the portal, but before he does Anubis stops him with a question."Do you know what type of Gods she likes?"

"Umm, I know I saw her purr at Fenrir once. Don't know why."

"Hmm, I see."

"Good luck." Sobek waves goodbye and then steps into the portal.

* * *

Sobek arrives back in his team's fountain to the waiting eyes of all his teammates. First one to speak was of course Artemis.

"So where's my bow?"

Sobek is definitely nervous about how he's going to answer. Hand behind his head he tells her, "About that…I couldn't get it but-"

"What do you mean you couldn't get it?!" She interrupted.

"BUT I can if we do one thing first."

"And that is?" The God of Swag asked.

"Kill my niece so she has to go on a date with Anubis…" No one expected him to say this. It came completely out of the jungle. After a moment of very awkward silence, Artemis spoke up.

"Why couldn't you just get my bow from Charon? "Artemis asked.

"Well since the both of us are from different pantheons, we end up in our own underworld. "

The rest of the team were baffled by this strange mission. Except Scylla, who just imagined each way she could skin a cat."I wonder how long she can survive without a head."

Naturally, Sobek freaked out upon hearing that."Okay you are getting NOWHERE near my Bastetie-poo."

Oh that's a name to mock later. And clearly Mercury agreed since he is in the middle of knee-slapping laughter. "hahahaha, that's the funniest name I ever heard!"

"Oh I was just wondering. Besides I already killed her once." Scylla says.

"My-my Basetie…" All the floodgates in Sobek's eyes opened as he imagined the way Scylla killed his little Baset. It helped him even more to imagine it since Scylla is right next to his ear saying it. Artemis stopped this un-Godly behavior by pushing Scylla off and slapping Sobek across his face.

She got right in the gator's face and tells him,"Sobek, you are going to get out there and kill your niece as if she just stole your buff!"

"But why do I have to do it?"

"Because we don't need anyone holding us back. "She turns around. "Mercury, Swagni. Go help him do this."

Mercury runs over and places a hand on Sobek's back."Don't worry we will give her a quick and painless death so fast she won't know what hit her. Which will be you with your ax like clink! And me with a punch like wapah! And Swagni-"

"Merc! Shut your mouth already. "Swagni said, and with that they were off.

Artemis approaches her last teammate here."Scylla you're coming with me."

"Why do I have to be your support?"

"Because you're gonna help get revenge on a girl who seriously needs to put some clothes on."

* * *

Artemis and Scylla approach their tier one tower and begin discussing their opposition.

"So that lady down there is who you want to kill?" Scylla points over to Neith, who's strumming her bow like it's a guitar."You really got bested by her?"

"Not bested, just beat. Besides she's a lot more skilled than she looks." The memory of her battle with Neith made Artemis sink her head in shame, looking away from Scylla."Especially when she's drunk."

"Really?!" Scylla exclaimed." You got beat while she was on the juice? She shouldn't even be able to wield her bow."

"She only shot me once, and she got lucky." Artemis said."She just kept kicking me. Those heels actually have a use in battle apparently." That thought made Art grab her chin, remembering the pain.

"I'll help you get your revenge. It'll be fun, like ripping apart a sailor who harmed my precious Zoey." One of her tentacle-dog-thing came from up her dress, who I assume is Zoey."That bad man is laying scattered across the strait now Zoey, and in your belly. Hehehe."

Wow she's sick."Yes she is." Artemis agreed.

On the other side of the duo lane, Neith stands messing around with her bow, bored waiting for the minion wave, she decides to stare intently down the lane to size up her opposition with her super eyes that I'm sure all hunters have. How else could they snipe so good?"My eyes are the very best among the hunters. Except for maybe Hou Yi, he shoots suns all the time and his eyes are still flawless."

She notices that her son is gone and frowns about it. She was definitely hoping to have some Mother-killing-son time and apologize after of course. It was how the Egyptian family bonded after all. Her frown deepened when she saw Scylla there. Having to kill a child would suck for her conscious, but Neith wasn't naive to Scylla's hobby when she's not on the battlefield. She will be doing sailors a huge favor, or not since she is just going to come back more pissed. Her other opponent she noticed didn't have her bow on her, she was just dual wielding two arrows. That will definitely limit her options on what she can do.

"Artemis doesn't have her weapon. Poor girl." Neith says in her team telepathic link. What? Didn't know all Gods had the power of telepathy? How else would they communicate across a battle field instantly. What would they use little small text? This is the only way that makes sense.

"Will you need my assistance Weaver?" Vulcan asked.

"No thanks, I believe I'll do just fine."

* * *

Sobek, Swagni and Mercury all stood at the fire giant spawn awaiting a certain feline to come out. Mercury is in his natural state of running around and annoying his teammates with his motor mouth.

"Hey guys you ever wonder why the fire giant always comes in so mad I mean all we want is his buff but he keeps throwing fireballs at us and hitting us with his hammer it's like he-" Swagni sticks out his leg and trips the speedster, making him hit the ground face first, hard."Ouch! What was that for?" Swagni looks down at Merc.

"We can't catch a cat if we have a fool making too much noise. Now act like Nox was here and stay silent. " He then turns back to look out for Baset."So what's gonna be the plan?"

"Umm, one of you kill her?" Sobek says, his tone asking a question itself.

"How though? Catching that piece of tail is gonna be like fighting Ares. Annoying as all hell. If you could help us then maybe we could-"

Suddenly Sobek flashbacks to when Baset was just a kitten. Remembering all the times he rocked her in his arms, fed her her favorite food and changed her litter box. He still sees her as that little goddess now. He couldn't possibly hurt her."Maybe I should go back and buy some wards…"

"Why? So you can stack your wards on our wards? Nah, you ain't getting out of this. You dig your grave now time to get out. "

Mercury quickly rushes over to the reptile's side." Give her a good old bam! And wapow!" Merc punches the air with his unimpressive fists." What they are totally impressive look how fast they can go." Mercury then proceeds to activate his maximum velocity just to show me off. HA! Can't believe that worked.

"You idiot. Now you just wasted your ability on the air." Swagni says.

"Naw that was just part of my plan you see first I had to waste my ability and then..."

Unbeknownst to those three, light Hel was actually standing, well floating, a few feet from them. Safe from their view, but close enough to see that Mercury just completely wasted his ability. Once she saw this, her dark side started to speak to her.

"We should go over there and rip their flesh off and suck out there bone marrow!" Yikes, and I thought Scylla was crazy. This one takes the whole cake." And that annoying announcer. "

"I don't know, doesn't that seem a little, mean?"

"That's the point! We need to kill all three of them."

"We could at least alert the rest of our team."

"Just so they can steal our kills? Screw those people. "

"Shouldn't we screw our enemies instead? "

"And that's what I'll do, let me take over." Light Hel removes her hood and out pops dark Hel, gnarly and ferocious as ever."Time to rekt some noobs, hahahaha." She heads on in.

"And then we cut the rope and have the box land on her so she'll be trapped then we could just hit her while she's stuck. "Sobek and Swagni just stared at Merc, dumbfounded by his so called plan.

"There's no way she's gonna fall for a dumb plan like that." Says Swagni.

"I'm still trying to figure out how we're gonna get a full golden statue of Ra." Sobek pondered out loud. Merc just waves away his comment.

"Eh we can just buy it at the store." Then suddenly Sobek points behind the speedster and yells.

"Behind you!" Here comes dark Hel rather slowly since she doesn't have boots which gave the three ample time to completely screw up.

"I got her!" Merc runs in and spins Hel in circles. His reaction to her was fast, too fast actually. Swagni was already charging his flame wave when Merc got in his path. And then he let it all out on the both of them.

"Hot hot hot hot! Why did you do that Swagni? " Mercury asked, hastily, latching off from Hel he then starts to roll around on the floor in order to get the flames off. Dark Hel on the other hand turns to light Hel and heals herself.

"Um guys, I think I need help." She tells her team with the power of telepathy.

"We're already here." Baset and Bacchus both leap in and land on Sobek and Swagni.

"Retreat! "Sobek commands to his team. They all obeyed immediately and began running closer to their base. The order team were not going to let a possible triple kill get out of their grasp so they chased. Unfortunately for them since they didn't have any other abilities to use, Mercury was able to get away with a sliver of health.

"That was too close."Mercury said.

"Wouldn't have to be if you dumb self didn't get in the way." Swagni says.

"You have four eyes, how could you not see me there?"

"Quiet already! "Artemis told her team via telepathy. "Just go and catch her already so I can get my bow and kill this Egyptian."

"I need some first aid before we go in again. "Mercury says. Swagni nods in agreement and both of them teleport home. Another power that every God apparently has. Talk about OP.

**Meanwhile on the other side.**

"Are you alright Hel?" Baset asked, genuinely worried about her teammate's health.

"I'm fine. I can heal all that back right-" Hel uses inspire on herself and her two teammates. Healing all the wounds on her and getting back to full health. While also pointlessly healing Baset and Bacchus.

"Wish I could of killed that messenger. Would of brought me back in the game and taken him out."

"Oh, I got an idea." Bacchus says, then takes a chug of his drink.

* * *

Let's leave them to their planning and go back to duo lane

After a while into the match, Neith starts to have trouble against the two. While her lane clear was superior to them, their poke game was top notch. Every time she would go to use her spirit arrow on a wave they would always place a trap right underneath her, then Scylla would continue the combo with sic 'em and crush her. Leaving Neith with a quarter of health and forced to play passive. Only good thing for her since she was getting solo farm she is a level ahead of them. Level 4 while they are only three. Finally, Neith had enough of their pokes.

"Vulcan could you please get over here and help me?" She asked her partner in the other lane. Whew, getting kinda of parched here from narrating. Gonna need to step out for a bit for some water. Let's see here who can take my spot...oh! I'll let this chocolate bunny do it. Just read what's right here.

a'ight, cool.

Vulcan was having a good time by himself in middle lane. Getting really easy farm since no one could get in his way. The only thing that could top him getting to level 4 so easily was his turret. Vulcan never got to spend any amount of time with it since enemy Gods would always destroy it. But now, he gots aaaaalll the time in the world. He caressed the turret"s tubes, slowly working his way up the machine. He made the machine so he knew exactly where to touch it. He placed his finger in its special area, leaned in, and whispered, "Time to stoke the fires."

"Vulcan!" Neith hollered out his name, instantly breaking all the mojo he had going.

Ok I'm back, out of the way bunny, the real narrator is here. Oh what's this? Vulcan having some special time with whom?

"Please don't tell anybody about this."Vulcan said, looking ashamed as all hell. Oh I won't, but I will need about three fithy."Alright, I'll pay you later." Vulcan says.

"On my way weaver!" He tells his teammate,and then heads over to the duo lane. He observes the lane while near their purple buff. Artemis and Scylla had Neith pushed all the way back to her tower. It looked like she is about to retreat with how far back she is. All she could do was push the wave before they got under her tower. With all the pokes sent from Scylla and Artemis, it is surprising to see her alive now. Vulcan had to return the favor.

He throws a magma bomb their way. Unfortunately for them they were grouped up so they both were knocked up by the explosion. Vulcan went forward with his combo and planted his one and only turret in front of them, then focused his backfire on Scylla. By the time his surprise assault was done, both Artemis and Scylla had to get there space so he doesn't finish one of them.

Neith walks up and places her hand on the smith's left shoulder. "Thanks Vulcan. I'm gonna go back, I think I need a rest." Neith used her power of back flipping to teleport back to base.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Scylla whined." I think that singed to the bone. I'm going back, you're on your own until I come back. "

"I'll be fine." Artemis said between huffs, not as toasty as Scylla but she was definitely burned." I'll just stab some creep to heal since apparently this gauntlet gives me that power." Scylla rises a few inches up from the ground thanks to her dogs and then teleports back to their fountain.

* * *

Now back into the jungle!

Swagni and Mercury came back into the right jungle. On the lookout for Baset once again. However, before Swagni and Mercury reunited with Sobek, the guardian was able to kill some creep to regain his level. So just so that it is absolutely clear the levels for the three are: Mercury at 2, Swagni at 2 and Sobek at one. Versus the other three competitors; Bacchus, Baset, and Hel who are all at level one. The chaos side should have the advantage right? Of course not, they're as dysfunctional as the Greek family.

"As long as he doesn't rip on the Hindus, then I won't have to turn the sky red." Swagni says. He walks, more like prances, to the mid fury camp, which has not spawn yet."No sign of Baset here."

"Should I be mad?" Mercury asks his fellow mates via telepathy while he runs towards the order's back harpies." The Greeks are like our cousins or alternate selves I'm so confused."

"Don't worry about that, just tell us if Baset's there." Sobek, who is at his team's blue buff, asked.

"No catwoman here just bird women oh and they have gold! I'll take it!" Mercury goes and pummels the harpies so as to satisfy his greed. Can't even leave any for his enemies, shame.

Sobek walks off to solo lane." Well where could she possibly-" Sobek cut his own self short when he catches a sight truly breath taking, truly irresistible. It was Hel, alone, with a quarter of her health left and little mana. Looking more beat than the minions she is shooting with magic."Oh woe is me." Light Hel says."Alone with no health or mana, so easily kill-able. I hope no one catches me in such an awful state."

At the back of Sobek's mind he knew this was a trap, but that didn't matter. Because at the fore front all he thought about was the kill, the glory and impressing all his friends. All reason was thrown out the window when it came to something like this. He had to kill her because he was THIRSTY. GO GET HER!

"GET OVER HERE!" Sobek charges in, intent on throwing Hel into his tower's range. Before he made contact however, Bacchus and Baset jumps in on the eager gator. He gets knocked up by Bacchus enormous belly, hurt by Baset's claws and before he could even touch the ground he was killed by dark Hel's magic. Before he left this plane of existence he heard his niece say, "Sorry Uncle."

All of them gained a level and invested their point into a new skill. Dark Hel turned into her kinder self and asked Bacchus a question."How did you know that would work?"

"Because I know all about being thirsty." He answered.

* * *

Sobek emerges back into the Egyptian underworld, but this time the place has some changes. Instead of a bright, empty room, the lights have been dimmed, he spawned on a chair in front of a decorated table with two plates full of food on it. Anubis stood on the other side with a top hat on, back turned to Sobek. He turns around and says in a British accent."Hey Bas-" Once he sees Sobek's gnarly face sitting in the chair opposite of him instead of Baset's cute one, he immediately blows up."Sobek!What are you doing here?!"Anubis tosses his hat on the floor in anger.

"Um, my Niece and her team killed me." Sobek awkwardly answered.

"You were suppose to come back once you bring her here." Anubis said, this time without the accent.

"Just a minor error." Sobek put up his hands in defense."I promise to bring Baset here so you can get a date and I can get Artemis' bow back."

"You'd better." After that, the two just waited in awkward silence for the portal to open. Sobek tapping his fingers on the table, Anubis tapping his foot on the floor. finally, Sobek broke the silence with a question.

"So, where did you get the hat?"

"Oh this?" Anubis picks up the hat from the ground,"Fenrir loaned it to me. It not only makes you look sharp but it also inexplicably gives you a British accent." Anubis dons the hat."See." Which he says in the aforementioned accent.

"That's how Fenrir went from having a terrifying voice to an English accent. It all makes so much sense now. Can I see it?" Anubis tosses the magical hat to Sobek and he catches it and puts it on." Oh bollocks it does work! This is bloody magnificent!"

"Yes, yes it is. Now give it back, it's the only shot I have on catching Baset." Sobek tosses the hat back to him and then the portal opens up behind Sobek. He proceeds to head to the portal but before he passes it however, he asks Anubis something else.

"Could I have some food?"

"Does it look like I'm trying to get with you?"

"No."

"Then there's your answer. Now off you trot." He shoos him off and Sobek goes through the portal.

* * *

Sobek rejoins Mercury and Swagni at their side's back harpies. He notices they were able to obtain a level while he was gone.

"Really dog?" Swagni said."You fell for an obvious trap like that? Not even Mercury is dumb enough to do that."

"Yea what he said." Mercury said. Head held low, Sobek apologized to his team for his thirsty behavior.

"Now what should we do?" Sobek asked.

"Just do something quickly!" Artemis said,through her telepathy, the whole chaos team could hear the urgency in her voice."Scylla and I are getting pushed all the way back so I need my bow right now."

"So don't suck this time." Scylla said. But how does one not suck when it's in their nature? Sobek had to ponder this question and how exactly he is going to catch Baset.

"It's time for us to brainstorm guys." Mercury said."I'm gonna just throw out anything that comes to my mind, grab her by the tail, punch her in the gabba! Destroy her whole team and leave her alone,uhh, slam dunk her. Wait I just realized what Swagni said about me!"

"Quiet Merc, you ain't helping." Swagni said.

"No I think he has a point." Sobek said."Maybe not slam dunk but something along those lines. I think I have a plan." They all gathered around to listen to his plan, but let's leave them for now and skip ahead to right when they execute it.

Hel and Swagni stood in solo lane, waiting for their minions to spawn. While action was happening in other lanes, they, well, just stood there. No pokes, just standing. How boring. Finally the minions come in lane and some actual action happens. Swagni backs off to behind his archer minions as dark Hel moves up to his wave to repulse them all. Swagni blazes a trail through all the minions, burning Hel in the process and then flame waves the rest of her minions. This is when the real fun starts.

Sobek comes out from the jungle heading straight for Hel. Swagni had her way to the tower block and Sobek had her other escape out of the question. She was truly sandwiched between a croc and a hot place.

"Gank right lane!" She told her teammate, Baset. Since she was paying attention to the map, Baset was already on her way. She stood at the middle jungle entrance looking for a target. She picked Swagni and then pounced in on him. However, right when she made contact, Sobek charged in and pulled her from his teammate. As she flew in the air she saw Swagni path of flames his way closer to his tower.

"Might still be able to kill him." Baset thought. However, again, right when she made contact with the ground, Mercury hasty self rushes in, grabs her, and spins her in circles. The situation was grave for Baset, and she knew this, but there was still one way for her to get out. Her pounce back. If she could just get one second to use it she could get to safety.

Unfortunately, what was waiting for her at her landing spot was noxious fumes and a grinning Swagni. He prepared his flame wave and launched it as soon as she landed. She was stunned but enough health to tank a shot from Agni basic attack. Once she was freed from the CC she managed to finally jump back into the air to safety.

'About time.' She thought, but what was trailing shortly behind her was a tower shot. As soon as she landed, she was already dead.

"No Baset!" Light Hel yelled from safely under her tower. The feline was finally slain and the chaos team that was there rejoiced, all but Sobek of course.

"Sorry Niece. Please don't tell your father on me." Sobek said.

* * *

**A/N****-Sorry for the long,long,long time I took for an update. Had a major writers block that just made writing not fun anymore. But now that I'm better( I really make writer's block sound like an illness don't I?) I have this to give y'all. I'll try my best to get the next one out. Shouldn't be as long as this one. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading. Now go and kill a god on Smite, just not me. I like living.**


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